THE RACE IS ON.

With only 61 days to go until 7th May, Election Day, nine parliamentary candidates have come out of the woodwork to contest the Brighton Kemptown constituency.

DEMOCRACY IN ACTION.

meet yr candidates

prattsNANCY PRATTS – LABOUR PARTY.

Previously stood in the 2010 Brighton Pavilion General Election but lost to Caroline Lucas from the Green Party. Roundly ridiculed by opposition MP’s such as Worthing MP Tim Loughton, who on Radio 4 said she talks “nonsense,” Nancy Pratts seems to be on course for another spectacular failure.

SLIMY KIRBY – NASTY NAZIS CONSERVATIVE PARTY.kirby

Elected as a councillor in 1992 on Brighton and Hove City Council, he became Brighton Kemptown MP in 2010 after narrowly beating Labour’s Simon Burgess with a slim majority of 1,328. A champion of LGBT and animal welfare issues, Slimy Kirby is a rising star in the Nasty Nazis party but is doomed to electoral defeat taking in account his iron-cast loyalty to a nasty Nazis Conservative ideaology intent on fatal austerity measures, wars and the infringement of our Human rights and liberties.

greenDAVY JONES – THE GREEN PARTY.

A freelance consultant specialising in the areas of citizen involvement, Davy Jones is more at home in a yoga position than he is keeping his nose to the ground. Oblivious to the corruption in local government and police, Davy Jones appears to be part of the problem rather than the solution. Making his living from consultancy, with his most important clients being local authorities and ultimately the tax-payers. Its yet to see if Davy Jones makes an impact in the 2015 general election, other than hosting a weekly politics show on RadioFreeBrighton.

Paul Chandler

PAUL CHANDLER – LIBERAL DEMOCRAT.

Taken from the Brighton Kemptown Liberal Democrat website. Paul has been a Lib Dem since the founding of the Party and has previously been a local councillor and, on four occasions, as a parliamentary candidate. Paul is Chair of Brighton & Hove Liberal Democrats and is a shortlisted candidate to stand for the Party at the General Election in 2015 for the Kemptown constituency. Paul is an enthusiastic sailor and crossword solver and volunteers at a local advice service. He has been learning Portugese at Bhasvic evening classes and, after 50 lessons, still has a long way to go!

ian-buchananIAN BUCHANAN – UKIP

A Freemason and a Knight’s Templar under his own admission; Ian Buchanan appears to be keeping the lowest profile of all the parliamentary candidates and for good reason too. With the UKIP party being exposed on a daily basis as nothing more than the far-right wing arm of the Conservative Party, Ian Buchanan is destined to lose his £500 deposit at the 7th May General Election and go down in history as a man on the wrong side of reason.

Jacqueline Shodeke

JACQUELINE SHODEKE – SOCIALIST WORKER.

Freely admitting that she doesn’t know who she’s standing against in the Brighton Kemptown 2015 General Election, Jacqueline Shodeke, said “rather than the daily struggle that most people face today, we could have a world where we all have access to what we require to satisfy our needs, and are not rationed by the size of our wage packet or state handout.”

rose-underwearCHARLOTTE ROSE – INDEPENDENT.

Injecting the spice which every general election needs, Charlotte Rose is a sex worker, dominatrix and sexual trainer. Close friends with Lempit Opek of Lib Dem fame, she won the “British Erotic Award for Sex Worker of the Year” in 2013 and appeared in the Channel 4 documentary Love for Sale in 2014.

“Watch out for her,” warns Alan Hope leader of the Monster Raving Loony Party. Charlotte Rose first stood in the Clacton by-election on 9 October 2014. Out of eight candidates she finished last, taking 56 votes. She then stood in the Rochester and Strood by-election. Out of thirteen candidates Rose finished eleventh, taking 43 votes. Let’s hope she gets more than 5% of the Brighton Kemptown 2015 vote and at least wins her deposit back.

David Neilson after attack
David Neilson after attack

JOE NEILSON – INDEPENDENT.

The only independent disabled parliamentary candidate standing in the UK, Joe is getting help from the Elected to Office Fund to stand as an independent candidate. He’s the oldest Brighton Kemptown candidate and the one candidate unlikely to survive the next 5 years. Labelled the ‘Invisible Man,’ Joe is the main witness in the 1996 Katrina Taylor murder and a thorn in the side of Sussex Police ever since. Deemed ‘Britain’s most feared whistle-blower,’ Joe stands for anti-corruption and integrity and honesty in office.

meMATT TAYLOR – INDEPENDENT/MOAI KING WILLIAM PARTY.  

The favourite to win the Brighton Kemptown 2015 election, Matt Taylor offers the change which other parties and candidates only dream of.

An ex-Royal Military Policeman and regarded in the top four of the ‘Alternative Media’ writers, Matt Taylor rivals Russell Brand as the UK’s leading radical revolutionary.

Matt boasts, “A vote for Independence means a cure for cancer, a new economy, free tidal energy, a paedophile free parliament and a new monarch. If you really want change, I’m the only candidate offering the real change which our country so desperately needs to dig ourselves out of the mire consecutive Labour, Lib Dem and Conservative governments have left us in.”

This graph is based on Ladbroke's betting odds and my own view of how the various candidates are doing in the election.
This graph is based on Ladbroke’s betting odds and my own view of how the various candidates are doing in the election.
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